Finding a Husband

Next to your decision to follow Jesus, your choice of a husband is the single most important decision you will make. Don't settle! It takes a good man to be better than no man, and a rotten, no-good man will make your life miserable. So, here are a few very important things to keep in mind:

Only marry a man who has demonstrated in deep and passionate ways that he loves Christ, and wants to be a godly husband. Sure looks matter, and personality and a host of other things. But, nothing can compensate for a deep desire to obey Christ, and allow the Spirit of God to direct his steps in every area of life. Don't settle for smooth or handsome or funny or sexy if the first characteristic on the list isn't godly.

• Only marry a man who will love you sacrificially, will provide for you adequately, will grant you refuge consistently, and can be trusted explicitly. In other words, be absolutely certain that he not only understands what God expects of a Christian husband, but is joyfully committed to putting it into practice. Don't settle for a man who actually thinks he's the center of the universe.

• Don’t marry a man who is looking for a mommy. Find a man, not a mama's boy. Leave the boys behind who are looking for someone to take care of them so they can continue pursuing that skateboarding or rock band career. Don't settle for some guy who still needs has posters on his wall and is looking for a nurse or nanny.

• Don’t marry a man who doesn’t have a life-plan that makes sense. Social scientists are now telling us that adolescence, which used to be from ages 12 to 18, now extends from 12 to 30! You know these guys. They're the ones who have no career plan, are still traveling around on other people's money trying to find themselves. Let them do it solo. Don't settle for a guy who doesn't have some sort of plan for getting from where he is to where he wants to be.

• Don’t marry a man with no ambition or courage. I have spent too many hours counseling women who could run small countries and, for some reason, ended up marrying men who can't even do their own laundry. These men think walking outside to get the morning paper constitutes a good day's work. Don't settle for a man who will settle for being average for the rest of his life. 

• Don’t marry a man who is not morally pure and morally strong, or a man who is inconsistent in his character, or a man who lacks spiritual, intellectual, or ethical depth. Don't rationalize away a guy's ethical an moral shortcomings. Don't get swept off your feet by a romantic guy whose integrity depends on the situation. Don't think for a minute that a man who wants you to sleep with him before marriage has your best interests in mind. If he is going to be the spiritual leader and courageous protector and provider you want in a husband, those characteristics will be conspicuous in the way he leads you now into righteousness and obedience to God.

• You are a daughter of the King! Trust him to find you the right man, and until he does, work to refine your own life and character so as to be a worthy helper/completer of that man when he comes around. Focus on your own life, your own godliness and character. Become the woman of God that a godly man will love sacrificially out of sheer delight and wonder at the privilege. 

Bottom line: Don't settle! Never, never, never settle for anyone less than a man you can be proud to call your husband, and the father of your children, and your best friend, and God's gift to you.